She was running
by Kitty Black Cat
Summary: Do you know what the chamber of secret's book left out? What really happened to Ginny in 1st year? This is not what ppl thought. This is her own little piece of hell. Welcome to Ginny's life.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do **not **and will **never** own Harry Potter and anything related to it. JK Rowling does and I'm just showing how much I like what she has created by writing fanfiction (even though I write non-canon. What? I can like canon and still not write about it. If I were an author, I'd write non-canon fanfics about my own books!!! There are just sooooo many scenarios out there just waiting to be written!)

Note: Hello! I'm back! Again, it's a fanfic about Ginny, focusing on what happened in her first year (yeah, yeah I know, I know. I ought to write something else. If only my Ouran High school muse could come back and finish the fic that she started! Have any of you seen her? Or can you lend me a different muse? Anyway…on with it)

Warning1: This chapter is sort of dark ( I wanted it to be gory at the end with Arthur, but well….I've never written and seldom read gory things, so I have no idea how it turned out (Reviewing could help me figure it out *hint, hint*) Anyway, if you're in a happy, fluffy, 'I love everything and everybody' mood, it** might not **be best to read this at the moment...(unless you want to read something not fluffy and happy.)

Warning2: Doesn't follow canon, therefore it's a non-canon Ginny (though she fits very well with my fics-Ginny)

**Rated M to be on the safe side**

**Chapter 1**

She was running. Faster and faster she went through the darkness. Her lungs ached, desperately trying to get some (very much needed) oxygen, while miserably failing. Her muscles yelled in pain. They couldn't take much more of this. But there was no other way. She could not be caught. _He_ could not catch her.

I can't take much more of this thought the girl. I need to breathe.

Carefully she stopped running and looked around. All she could see was darkness. Perhaps this time he decided to leave her alone. No, she thought, he would never let me off so easily. Oh if only he would. How she missed how comprehensive he used to be. Perhaps then, he would recognize her action as it was, a desperate act to help a fellow student, instead of a blatant disrespect and disobedience of him.

" Please, please leave me alone this time"

Alas, her begging had little effect. Suddenly her right leg was gripped and she felt herself being pulled from behind. She fell flat on her face while something was squeezing her legs. " oh no" there on her leg, was an enormous snake hissing menacingly. " no, no , no. Not the snakes!" She had been through this before. Snakes would immobilize her so she couldn't run. Then, the ones around her arms and legs would tighten their hold until no blood could circulate in them. The pain was terrible and so was the knowledge she could have permanent damage if they hold her like this too long. Then, would come the biting. Oh they wouldn't inject poison; that would be too easy and too quick. No, no… they would just bite. Over and over again, everywhere they could reach. It was a long process for they didn't release their hold on her for well over a minute. Their fangs would penetrate her skin and stay there, trying to get deeper and deeper into her flesh. One time, she tried to distract herself from the pain by counting the bites. On her right leg, she counted 53 bites. That was actually a low count. The snake wrapped around her leg had been quite big that time, so there was less place for the others to bite in . On the other hand, since there was little blood flowing there, they could bite more without it being life threatening. It was an ideal condition since they were not allowed to kill her. Sometimes, she wished they would have. Once the bites were all in place, the snakes would bring some sort of plant to put on them. The only thing Ginny could really tell about those plants was that they weren't for soothing the wounds; it was quite the opposite actually. Ginny had never felt anything burn as much as these plants. She thought it must have felt like putting her father's muggle javel into her time, she would try not to scream. She would often bite her lips until it bled as not to give them the satisfaction of seeing her suffer. But as more of the plants cover the bites, it became intolerable and every time, every single time, she would cry out.

However, this time around, the snakes had a different mission. This time, a huge snake wrapped himself around her, immobilizing her entire body and then…forced her to watch.

There was movement in front of her, in the darkness. Could it be? Was it _him? _No. This figure was taller. Then as the man approached, she recognized him. "Daddy?" she whimpered. There, covered in blood, stood the man who had raised and loved her for eleven years. His right arm was cut off at the elbow and his face was covered in bruises and small cuts. One of his eyes was so swollen he probably couldn't see. He also had a deep gash on his side and was limping. "Daddy?"

"why? Why did you do this to us Ginny?

-Daddy she cried, what do you mean?

-It's your fault, he answered. You did this to us. Your poor mother is dead because of you.

-Whaaa…

Suddenly, some of the darkness faded and the little girl saw the rest of her family…or rather what was left of them. In front of her, body parts and bodies were bloodying the floor. Her mother, her beloved mother, laid there with her head half separated from her body. Her clothes were mostly ripped off and she had several wounds all over her chest. She was missing a leg, an arm, and three fingers on the only hand she had left. Her brothers were unrecognizable; some were scattered on the ground while others where impaled and few of them had any limbs left.

"You caused all this Ginny. It's your fault

-No, NO! I couldn't…I wouldn't… DO that. Daddy I would never do that…even if he…I would fight him. I would stop him!

- Fight him! Stop him! He raged, THAT is what caused all this! YOU going against him! You not doing as you are told! If you had listened to him, none of this would have happened. If you had been a good girl for ONCE in your life, my wife and my sons would still be alive. But No! You had to disobey didn't you? **Didn't you Ginny! **This is all _your_ fault. It should have been you who was dismembered! It should have been _your_ limbs he cut off one by one!

Da..*sob*dy*sob* Ginevra cried. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. Please, please stop. Please make it stop *sob*

As Ginny lay crying, her surroundings started changing. Her family and the darkness disappeared to be replaced by green silk sheets and a stone wall. _His _room. The small girl continued on sobbing, trying to be as quiet as possible, and avoid raising the boy's anger more than it already was. She wished things were still like in the beginning of it all or that at least, he'd put his hand on her shoulder. She needed that small gesture of comfort. She needed someone to be here, needed to be reassured that it would be over soon, and most of all, she needed to be assured she was forgiven and loved. The latter made her sick to her stomach. She shouldn't crave for his love after everything, but mostly, she shouldn't still love him.

TBC

AN: Well that's it for now! Hope you liked it! Tried for something dark, but I'm still not sure if it came out like I wanted. Oh well, I think it was a good start. Please Review! It's always appreciated but DON'T FLAME! I don't do it to others, don't do it to me. You can give meaningful and polite criticism though. Thanks!

AN2: Oh yeah, for those who are wondering exactly when this happens, you'll have to wait for other chapters. Maybe the next one, but I'm not sure. At first I wanted to make this a flashback and situate the story in her 4-5 year but now I'm thinkinh of starting from this point in time and continue and maybe add flashbacks to see how it came to that. Anyway, again Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Did Harry and Ginny date? Yes? then I don't own it! maybe it's cause I haven't read the sixth book but I thought of Ginny and Harry more as siblings just like with Ron and the twins so yeah, I wouldn't have made Harry date Ginny.**

**An: **Thanks to **Slytherinslut13 **for her review and for giving me the push I needed to try and work on this again after failing to be inspired to write anything for this story. She asked when the story would get updated so I tried to work on it not expecting much and This came out! So thanks! Also sorry for the horrible update speed (how long has it been? a year? more?) Anyway, hope you enjoy this!

**This chapter is not the continuation of chapter 1, chapter 3 will tell you what happened next in chap1. This is 4 years later, which makes Ginny in her 5th year. Hope you won't get too confused with the non-chronological narrative. Tell me if you do. **Although you should be fine if you're used to reading Trauma Narrative 'cause they're non-chronological...but then again I wouldn't know that if my Litterature teacher didn't love those narratives so much he kept making us read them...I got really tired of reading things that offer no closure whatsoever and leaves you with a bad taste.

**Chapter 2**

Ginny Weasley sat up on her bed, gasping for breath. She could still see rivers of blood in her inner eye. Her body was trembling all over. She had had a nightmare. Again. In her second year at Hogwarts, Ginny Weasley had had trouble dealing. Plagued by nightmares and an easy prey to the Dementors roaming around the school, Ginny soon thought she would go completely insane. Maybe she even had. Who was she to differentiate between sanity and insanity when her dreams sometime seemed more real and substantial than her day had been. In second year, dealing with the memories was unbearable, but she had repeated the same mistake she had made in her first year; she had kept everything to herself. She hadn't even thought about telling other people anymore; keeping silent about what was happening with her had become a second nature. Tom had conditioned his little girl a little too well. Even now, sitting in her bed, wishing for someone to come and hug her, she was still unable to go speak to someone. Granted the reasons were slightly different now. Now, she just felt like it was too late. She hadn't spoken a word about it in years and she feared her family's reaction. It wasn't so much that she thought they wouldn't believe her (though it had crossed her mind of course) than she feared their disappointment for not telling them sooner and yes she also feared they would get angry. Her positive, hopeful side told her that her family loved her and wouldn't be truly angry. Her more negative, pessimistic side however told her something different, something that was sadly much more believable: "But what if they discover the other thing? How will you explain all of it to them and yet keep this out of the story? You won't be able to Ginny. They'll know. They'll see. They'll know what you were and they'll hate you for it. Or at least be disgusted by it and we all know it!"

But if she were to be totally truthful with herself, a small part of her, a part Ginny despised very much, simply couldn't stomach the mere thought of doing anything Tom would disapprove of. And** that**, she knew her family would never, EVER understand. How could they? All they saw was the monster who abducted their daughter without her conscious knowledge and tried to kill her. And yes, monster he definitively was. Ginny would never argue with that. But her parents forgot one important thing: they forgot just how good he was at ensnaring people and getting them to do what he wanted them to do. Or rather they didn't think of what that actually implied for their daughter. They were just so happy to see her safe; they never thought to ask exactly what went down during the entire year. They had asked questions but none of them could have prompted such a horrible truthful response. She supposed a tiny, petty part of her resented her parents for that, but that part was incredibly small because she knew perfectly well that if they had asked the right questions, she would have never answered. 'Not a word, not a word, not a word. You can't say a word Ginevra. Not a word'. That thought had resonated in Ginny's head for days after the chamber ordeal. All she could think about was not to let anyone find out. To protect her secret. Why? She didn't know. Maybe she was ashamed. Maybe she was still completely terrified of Tom….no wait, there was no maybe about that! Even now, she feared Tom's anger. It was silly of course. Tom was dead; had been for years. Well unless you consider Voldemort as being Tom which Ginny didn't because she knew nothing of Voldemort (and was as thankful as one can be about that) and if she associated him with Tom, then it would mean that Tom was alive and that thought was just too horrible to even contemplate. Tom was dead; he was gone forever and he was not coming back ever. Sometimes though, she had to repeat 'Tom is dead' over and over again in her head after a bad nightmare or a flashback. The latter rarely happened nowadays though. She was thankful for that at least. She had received enough weird looks in second year for suddenly blacking out in a flashback or simply because she was involved with the chamber, she really didn't need any more of them. Besides, she had her O.W.L.s to think about. Or at least she tried hard to think about them like any normal girl. But the nightmares made it very difficult. She didn't know how much more she could take. Tom still haunted her and just wouldn't stop. And to think he was once a true friend. Or at least he appeared to be a true friend. He was so nice and understanding. He was always ready to help her with her homework (except in Potions. Ginny was much, much better at those than Tom was. Not that he was horrible with them, mind you. He was okay. Nothing as bad as Neville or Ron. Ginny was simply talented in potions making is all. Making potions was a very peaceful, captivating activity. It was often the only thing that could distract her from her dark thoughts and for some reason, Snape liked her and allowed her to brew potions in the potions lab at anytime as long as it was outside of her class time and before the curfew) Tom was always ready to give her good advice and once Tom was strong enough aka had stolen enough of her life energy (but she hadn't known about that yet) he was able to bring her inside the diary to see him. To really see him, not to see his memories like he had done with Harry. Oh no, Ginny could really interact with Tom. And she was so happy about that. She could touch her friend and he could touch her; something she would come to regret later on because Tom had changed.

It started innocent enough: hands forming fists, eyes getting darker, a scowl replacing a smile… Little things really. Nothing to be alarmed about. But then they got more frequent and more pronounced and more difficult to ignore. Soon, speech started to change too. The tone grew harsher, losing its usual sweetness, the voice got louder and the words got meaner…up to a point where accusations and screaming replaced the habitual greetings. Ginny didn't understand what was happening to her friend, but she knew it was the others fault. It was their fault for standing too close to Ginny or for spending too much time with her, or for feeding her foolish ideologies only the old coot Dumbledore would believe in. It was their fault Tom was screaming, their fault for being undeserving creatures. And it was okay. It was okay because if Tom didn't want these people around his Ginny, then she surely did not want to be around them either. So Ginny did the only thing she could do: she stopped interacting with people other than Tom.

After that, things calmed down for a while. Things seemed to regain a minimum of normalcy. Peace, however, was not meant to last and it started up again. Except this time around, it wasn't other people's fault; it was Ginny's fault. Suddenly, she was the one not good enough. She was the one who didn't listen to reason about mudbloods, she was the one who stood too close to other people or didn't spend enough time with Tom, she was the one who wouldn't just stop crying when "for crying out loud that punishment was nothing at all!" She was the one who was the problem; she did everything wrong and no amount of work could ever change that. And it killed her. To see Tom displeased or angry at her was worse than any mental torture he had ever put her through. Horrible images were hurtful because of the emotions they created but somehow Tom not liking her anymore was worst. And she hated herself for it. Still did actually. It was hard to stop hating herself for it. She truly wished she didn't feel that way but mostly she still did. She guessed she had the 'abused spouse' syndrome or something. Maybe 'Stockholm' syndrome? She didn't know but she had read about similar things. You could read about it in books, how women that were hurt by their partner would stay and even defend them or how people who were kidnapped defended the kidnapper even if they weren't treated well by said kidnapper. She supposed she fell somewhere between those two. Or maybe not. Maybe she was just stupid. Actually, now that she thought about it, that seemed like a really good explanation: Ginny Weasley was just a silly, stupid little girl who put her trust in a stupid little black book that hosted the most terrifying wizard of the century. What a depressing thought. Slowly, Ginny lied down on her bed to try to get some sleep before class and sent a silent prayer that she would not have any dream concerning Tom Marvolo Riddle for the rest of the night. If Tom had been there, he would have told her that hoping and praying was stupid and wouldn't change anything; he would have had a point.

/

**AN: Ok so that's all. Not very long I know, but I want to seperate the different timelines in different chapters you know. So next chapter is what happens after what happened in chapter 1! I've started writing it. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to finish it during this week. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. But I think everyone in the world knows that.**

**AN:** This continues chapter 1, so it happened in first year, after Hermione was attacked by the Basilisc. I added horror to the genre, even though it's not really horror, because I can't seem to be able to write horror but I put it just in case.

**Chapter 3**

"Are you done yet?" Tom asked harshly, with a hint of disgust and annoyance.

"You've just showed me images of my family literally torn to shreds and you ask if I'm finished crying?" her speech was broken up by loud sobs. "No Tom, I'm not! How can I be? They're all I have!" As soon as she uttered the last sentence, she knew she had made a mistake again. "No Tom I didn't mean…"

"Flammossis" Tom cast on her, in anger. Ginny shrieked in blinding agony. She couldn't think of anything, just screamed loud enough to wake up the entire country. That spell was one of the worst. It sadly did exactly what the name implied; you felt fire running inside your bones. All of your bones. Do you know how many bones the human body has? Ginny didn't know the number, but she knew that there was far, far too many. Although, later on, when the effects of the curse would have been lifted for a while, she would be grateful like the other times that he had cast this spell on her instead of the one that breaks ever single bone of your body in a span of two hours and then un-break them in an hour. He had never put her through that spell and she hoped she never angered him to the point of him wanting to use it. She had good hope that she wouldn't though; that spell, Tom had created specifically for his muggle father. He had showed her the memory as punishment a couple of times. The first time, she couldn't sleep for three days and kept throwing up all the time. Tom had been sorry about that though. It had happened at a time where he would still offer some repentance and comfort. How she wished it could still be that way. But she supposed, she had crossed a line that had a point of no return. And how pathetic was it that she blamed herself for the punishment and not Tom? Something in the back of her mind told her that it should be Tom that she blamed, but somehow the other voice was stronger: the one who told her she wasn't good enough for Tom and it was all her fault.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Tom released her from the curse. The pain hadn't disappeared of course, but it was more bearable now. She couldn't believe she had made such a rookie mistake. After everything, she really should have known better than to irked Tom's possessive nature.

"See what you made me do Ginevra? Why do you always have to push me?" Some part of Ginny couldn't believe Tom was actually mad at her over this; the other part told the first one to shut the hell up or they'd get in trouble. Normally the second voice won, but today Ginny was tired. She had tried not to anger him and it hadn't worked. She was tired and she was pissed. If she was going to get punished, shouldn't it be over something that she could say she deserved?

"I didn't push you. You just jumped the gun again!" She said softly, her voice hoarse from all the screaming.

"Excuse me?" Tom said menacingly.

Slowly and painfully, Ginny turned around to face him. "I said that you just blew up right then without thinking. You're too susceptible Tom" Tom Riddle was astounded. He couldn't believe that after what she did with that mudblood she dared even look at him let alone talk to him like that. He was mortified. Sensing that her murder was fast approaching Ginny continued but this time, she tried to say something that would not prove that she might indeed have masochistic and suicidal tendencies.

"You took me saying that my family is all I have in the world as me saying that they're more important to me than you. I really thought you knew me better than that. You're intelligent, and I used to tell you everything. And hell Tom, when angry, you've more than once used my love for you as an advantage against me. How can you even think about doubting my love for you! Or my loyalty to you? Haven't I done everything I could to be good for you? To keep you happy? Couldn't you tell the past few months that I didn't mean to anger you? That I was trying to go against you, that I wasn't consciously defying you? I'm defying you now Tom, doesn't it look different than when I took control to tell the basilisk to attack from behind so that the mudbloods would see it in their mirror and not cause the school to close and the haunt for who's causing the attack to triple in intensity! What if murder was enough to convince the ministry to read our mind or give us veritaserum?" She spoke louder than before, her tone angry and hurt.

"Oh and I'm supposed to believe that's why you saved them?" Tom said coldly. Ginny instantly deflated. Of course Tom would know she hadn't been thinking about that. She hadn't been thinking at all actually.

"I wasn't thinking at all Tom. I just…acted. Without thought. I didn't mean to act as if I was betraying you"

"But you did! You betrayed me!" He said, his tone furious. Ginny felt her heart squeezed. She had betrayed Tom. Her Tom. Tears filled her eyes as disgust filled her entire being. Disgust with herself for betraying Tom and disgust with herself for being disgusted with herself about betraying Tom. Either way, there was simply no solution. She hated herself no matter what. She hated that upsetting Tom still mattered to her on an emotional level. Deep down, something was telling her it shouldn't be that way. She should see him as the betrayer and hate him. And again, she listened to that voice this time around.

"Perhaps" she told him softly. "Perhaps I betrayed you, but you betrayed me first. And over and over again. When you punished me and never forgave me no matter how hard you punished me. When you stopped caring about how much you hurt me. When you stopped apologizing after the punishment. When you look at me with so much anger and coldness. All those times, you're betraying me. You don't see it that way, but it's nonetheless true. In my mind, you've betrayed me long ago."

"Oh Ginevra, have I been too harsh with you?" He said in a fake sweet tone.

Ginny laughed bitterly. "You always are. But there's no heart in you to care. At least not for me." Tom dropped his sweet smile and frowned. "If I did not care for you, you would have been dead a long time ago Ginevra. There are always other ways to get things done. If I didn't care, you'd be dead. But I do care." Tom said, touching Ginny's cheek with his hand. "It's why I punish you: to make you better. You're mine and I expect things from what's mine. You'll get the hang of it someday and then punishments will be far and few between. Wouldn't you like that Princess? To be with your Tom like he wants you to be and not be punished anymore? Wouldn't that make you happy?"

Ginny felt bile rise up her throat in disgust at the answer. Yes, it would make her happy wouldn't it? Even now, pleasing Tom made a part of her so happy.

"Would it, Ginevra?" Tom insisted.

"Yes" Ginny whispered softly, feeling completely defeated. "I'd like that. Very much"

"Then stop fighting me. You know what I expect from you Princess." Tom said caressing her face. "Just listen to me and every thing will be just like in the beginning. And we'll be happy, just the two of us."

Ginny cried silently. "Yeah. Okay" she agreed. She knew she would never be happy again, knew she would never stop living in fear and walking on eggshells, but right here, right now, Tom wasn't angry anymore and really, after the last punishment, it was all that mattered to her.

"Good girl." Tom said before kissing her and pushing her back in a lying position on his bed. She let him do whatever he wanted to spare herself any more pain today. Fighting off his 'affection' would be much worse than anything she'd done recently. She was simply doing what she needed to do in order to survive as long as possible. Or at least, it's what she kept telling herself. Because admitting there was anything more to it than that, was just too painful. She already hated herself enough as it was; she didn't need any more reasons.

/

Hope someone, somewhere liked this chapter and likes this story. If you have comments, suggestions, just click on the review button! (or if you just want to say hello! Reviews are nice and hello's are really nice too!) No flaming though, please. If you don't like this fic and can explain why nicely, ok, but don't hate on me for the heck of it. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything related to Harry Potter except my plastic time turner and I paid for that so... Plus I like Ginny/Tom fics so obviously if I owned Harry Potter, Ginny wouldn't have ended up with Harry.**

**AN:** This has been written a little while ago. Can't remember when. I wanted to write the next chapter before posting this but I'm still in stage (3 more weeks left! Gosh I want it finished so bad you have no idea! I've been in stage since January 5! My friends at University, they're in their final exam period. Do you know how much I'd like to have three final exam in a row this week and be done with my semester? When you prefer final exam to your stage there's a problem there and it means that it needs to stop soon) Anyway, I wanted to post something and it's the only thing I have written (sorry for everyone who may be following my other stories) I have no time nor energy to write right now. Still have 3 weeks than 1 week of sleeping and then I'll be good to write again!

In the meantime, enjoy this chapter. It may not be what you expected. It wasn't what I expected but it's what came out of my head and I decided to go with my muse and try this out!

**Chapter 4**

Ginny awoke to her mother shouting at her kids to get up. Of course her nightmare just had to continue as soon as she had fallen back asleep. Sometimes she wondered if her experience with Tom Riddle would ever stop haunting her. Perhaps once Voldemort was death and truly gone…..but then again, she never did associate Tom with Voldemort. They were both monsters but one was a personal monster, terrifying only in her eyes, while Voldemort was terrifying for any wizard in England.

"Ginny are you up?" Hermione asked

Ginny sat on her bed. "Yeah, yeah Mione. I'm getting up."

"Well don't sound too enthused. Are you okay? You still look very tired and you were whimpering during the night. Did you have a nightmare?"

"When don't I have nightmares?" Ginny whispered to herself, getting up and starting to make her bed.

"What?" asked Hermione. She wanted to check if she had heard correctly.

"Uh? Oh nothing Mione. Yeah, I had a bad dream. No biggy. I'll get my sleep back tonight." Ginny said, faking a smile. Hermione's brows furrowed. That wasn't right. She had heard correctly, but Ginny was denying it. Why?

"Alright" Hermione said, pretending to believe her younger friend. "I'll be waiting for you downstairs."

Hermione left the room and went into the Weasley's living room where Ron and Harry had just started a game of chess. She rolled her eyes. "Really Ron, playing chess with Harry being half-asleep? Don't you like challenges anymore? Harry is already easy enough to beat when he's at full cognitive capacity..."

"Hey!" Harry interjected. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you suck, mate" Ron said laughing.

"Well thanks Hermione" Harry said.

"I just meant Ron shouldn't play with you when you're tired. It's not fair for you."

"Nah. It's okay. You have a point. I'm not much more of a challenge fully awake anyway. Still it's fun. And besides, I got to improve some time."

" Yeah, I can't wait to see that mate"

"Very funny. You won't be laughing once Ginny is up and decides to play against you. From what Fred told me, she kicked your butt last time" Harry replied.

"Pft. Please, she was lucky." Ron said, blushing a little. Being beaten at his favourite game by his little sister was kind of embarrassing.

"Talking about Ginny," Hermione started "Has any of you notice anything different about her lately."

"No" Ron replied absentmindedly, while making his move.

Harry shook his head "Why are you asking Mione?"

"It's just….she was whimpering in her sleep and when I asked her if she had had a nightmare last night, she said something like "when don't I have nightmares". She whispered it, so I wanted to check if I had heard correctly, but then when I asked, she denied she had said anything. But I'm sure that I heard her say she often has nightmares."

"Ginny was never prompt to having nightmares Mione. Besides, you visit us every summer and you always stay with Ginny. If she was having nightmares you would have noticed before" Ron said, reassuringly.

"Yes but…." Hermione started. "The thing is Ron, I never hear anything coming from Ginny's bed."

"Well see!" Ron said smiling.

"No Ron, you don't get it! I hear absolutely nothing! I just, when I woke up last night, I could hear Ginny breathe. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I could still hear her breathing and then she started whimpering"

"Ok….and?" Harry asked. He didn't get where Hermione was going with this.

"And I just realized, that it was the first time since I've slept in Ginny's room, that I heard her breathing during the night! I literally never hear anything. Not a sound! That's not normal! Unless…"

"Unless she casts a silencio around herself before going to sleep! " Harry exclaimed. "Like I started doing after the visions started, so I wouldn't wake up Ron and the other guys in our dormitory."

"Exactly! And why would someone cast a silence spell around their bed before going to sleep every single night, if they only occasionally have nightmares! I was so stupid. I stay here every summer and it never clicked as being weird that there was no sound from Ginny's bed until one night there suddenly was! She must have forgotten to put a silence spell yesterday"

"But why would Ginny do that? If she were having nightmares, she would tell us!" Ron said.

"Oh you mean like Harry told us about the visions as soon as they happened?"

"That's not the same thing. It concerned You-know-Who and Harry wasn't telling us much of anything. No offence mate"

"None taken, Ron. I know how I was. I still am like that. I've been having nightmares of Sirius' death since it happened and I didn't tell anyone about them. They're personal. Maybe Ginny's nightmares are personal too"

"But nothing happened to Ginny, like it happened to you Harry." Ron said.

"True" Harry said.

"Well something must have happened. Why else would she be so reluctant to talk about them?" Silence fell on the trio. No one knew the answer to Hermione's question.

"Hey guys. Why so solemn?" Ginny asked, smiling. "Did Ronnie-Wonnie lose at chess again?"

The three looked at her. "What?" she said.

"Hermione said you had a nightmare last night" Harry started. "We were just wondering if you wanted to talk about it."

"Oh you mean, like you talk about your nightmares" Ginny replied defensively. No way. They were not going to ask about her nightmares and expect her to answer. Since when did they care anyway? Hermione, she could understand. That girl worried about everyone. She was a real mother hen sometimes. Not that she could blame the other girl, with all the trouble Harry and Ron constantly brought upon themselves. But Ronald and Harry? Please. Those two had the observation skills of a rock. It wasn't so much as they didn't care as they didn't notice there was anything to care about. Beside, if there was someone who would not understand what happened with Tom, it would be Ron. She could not let him know her secret. Not that one anyway. And talking about Tom would just be opening herself to people looking at things too closely and discover the entire truth. And Ginny knew she couldn't deal with anyone else knowing; hell, she couldn't deal with herself knowing!

"Hey. Don't talk to Harry like that. He's just trying to help." Ron told his sister.

"Well he's not okay. Just leave it be! There's nothing you can do about them, so why bother?"

"So you have been nightmares frequently then" Hermione said.

Ginny's eyes widened. Darn it. "No. Just forget it okay."

"But Ginny if you have nightmares, talking about them can help make them go away eventually. It helped when I talked about my visions and if I remember correctly, you thought it had been stupid of me not to talk about them before."

"Yeah. And remember my nightmares about spiders forcing me to dance? It helped when I talked about them."

Ginny looked at her brother and his two friends. She felt like she was suffocating. She so didn't need this after last night's nightmares. She really didn't. They kept pushing her and telling her how talking about their previous nightmares had helped them. Their voices got mixed up in her head and finally, she just snapped.

"Yeah, but none of those things ever really happened to you Ron! Harry yes. His nightmares…but he never talked about Cedric or Sirius so don't tell me you know it'll help, because you have no idea!" She screamed at them. Then she ran up the stairs to her bedroom and shut the door. She really didn't need this, she thought as she fell back on the bed. Then the little voices in her head woke up.

'They were just trying to help Ginny,' chided the first voice. _'Oh please, like they care. They've never cared about you before, and they won't start now. They'll just use the information you'll give them to hurt you,'_ the second voice sneered. That voice had been omnipresent right after Tom had died, making Ginny believe only the worst of people. It had taken time for her positive side to reappear but no matter how hard she tried, that little negative, condescending, and untrusting voice never really left her. It still raised many doubts in Ginny's mind. Much less than before, true, but it was still there and Ginny felt that as long as it was, she would never be what she used to and Tom would have really won.

'Ginny, they're your friends.' Said the good voice. 'They wouldn't hurt you. They want to help. Let them in.' '_Right. Let them in just like you let Tom in. That ended up so well after all' _the second voice said sarcastically. "Shut up, just shut up!" Ginny told herself.

"Gin, are you okay?" Hermione said, entering the bedroom.

Ginny looked at her friend, with tears in her eyes. She was so sick of this. That negative little voice had made her life hell. Unable to trust in people, always staying all alone in fear of others….She was tired of this. Maybe…. maybe it was time to talk about it. She could still hear that second voice telling her this would only hurt her but she fought against it and made it shut up. What had listening to that voice ever brought her? Nothing. Things hadn't gotten better in a long while. How could she expect different results while doing the same thing over and over again? Maybe it was time to change things.

"Ginny, we're worried about you. I know you don't want to talk, but can you tell me what the nightmares are about? I don't need any details. I just…can you please tell me what they're about?"

Ginny looked at her friend, sadly. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Tom" she said softly. "They're all about Tom." There she had said it. After years of being haunted by her memories of Tom Riddle, she had finally admitted to someone else that she still suffered from what happened to her in her first year.

"Thank you" Mione told her.

Ginny nodded. "Can I be alone now?" she asked.

"Of course. I'll tell your mom you're not feeling well and you'll eat later"

"Thanks" Ginny said, rolling over in her bed, away from her friend, as tears fell from her eyes and her heart was torn into pieces.

/

AN: Hope someone out there will like it! Please review to give me comments! Like I said, this wasn't what I originally thought of doing with this fic but now it is so I'd like to know what you guys think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter**. If I did, I'd have plenty of money to buy all the Harry Potter products I want….no wait…I wouldn't buy merchandise based on my own books….would I?

AN: Here's another chapter. No dialogue in this one, sorry. Just more about Tom and Ginny.

**Chapter 5 **

Things with Tom hadn't always been bad. Actually, things with Tom had been amazing at first. There was nothing her secret friend wouldn't do for her. If she wanted to go shopping for dresses, there was no problem. The reality inside the diary was intricately malleable. Tom could control the reality of the diary as he pleased as long as there was an existing memory of it. For example, Hogsmeade existed in the diary, but it existed as it was in the 1940's. Ginny did not know what Hogsmeade looked like now but she had heard descriptions from her brothers and Tom's Hogsmeade was different in certain places. Every place Tom had seen could be integrated inside the diary in such a way that Ginny and Tom could come and go as they pleased. Ginny remembered vividly all the places she had visited with Tom. She remembered playing tag with him in a park and making him push her on the swing. Ginny loved that swing. She could spend hours on that swing. Tom of course didn't always stay with her for hours. He had other things to do but for Ginny, who did not have access to a broom, that swing made her feel more free than anything else. She hasn't so much as looked at a swing since Tom died. She doubts it would feel like freedom now. But that is not the point of this. The point is Tom was always ready to give her exactly what she wanted when she wanted it…. at the beginning. It would figure her first love story would turn out to be the antithesis of a fairytale. In fairytales, the hard times came first. Cinderella had to suffer for years before finding her prince charming and having her happily ever after. Tom gave her happiness at the beginning of the story. Often Ginny wondered if it means she would have lived miserably ever after had Tom survived.

She chided herself continuously for it but there were no stopping her own thoughts; she always asked herself what would have happened to her had Tom survived. Because Ginny had believed Tom in the chamber when he had told her she would be asleep just for a little while; only for the time it would take him to take care of the thorn at his side. Everyone told her she had been slowly dying; Ginny wasn't so sure. It's not that she doubted Tom could have killed her. Considering everything, it would be very stupid of her to think that. No she was well aware of how dispensable and disposable she was for Tom, no matter what his 'feelings' for her were. The thing was that she simply didn't have the impression it was her time to be gotten rid of. She didn't feel Tom had grown tired yet, although a part of her had wished he had. The other part had rejoiced at the thought of still being wanted by Tom even after he killed Harry Potter. And then Hermione wondered why she hadn't talked about the nightmares. There were things that were better left unsaid. And her love for Tom, that sick devotion a part of her had felt for years, was at the top of the list of things to take to the grave. So no, Ginny didn't believe for a second she had been dying in that chamber. She knew Tom. She knew what that possessive, almost brutal kiss in the chamber meant. He wasn't finished with her. He wasn't even close; a knowledge that had both thrilled and terrified her. Merlin was she tired of the antipodean thoughts that plagued her mind. She was so tired but there was little she could do; Tom had done his job very well indeed.

He hadn't wanted much at first. It was little things: people she shouldn't talk to anymore, certain things she shouldn't do anymore, certain thoughts and beliefs….it had been insidious. She didn't realize a thing. She didn't realized how dependent and isolated Tom had made her. Hadn't realized how he had made her doubt everyone. That little voice in her head that warns her against opening up….that little voice….it only existed because of Tom. He was the one who manipulated Ginny's thoughts and beliefs until distrusting everyone was the automatic response. Well….everyone except for Tom that is. And when Ginny realized what Tom had done, it was too late to escape. Too late to escape because, by that time, Tom had had a lot of control on Ginny and the diary and was able to possess her to do things or stop her from doing things but mostly because Ginny was stopping herself from doing anything that displeased Tom. She was in too deep; too deep in love, too deep in dependence. Oh she disobeyed of course. But she felt guilty about it afterwards. Even when Tom tortured her for not doing or not being exactly what he wanted her to be, she always felt that huge pain in her chest at the idea of having disappointed her Tom. She couldn't tell how things had gotten to that point, but they did. And still, she didn't know if Tom had been the one to get her to that point or if she had done so herself. And bile rose from her throat at that thought. How could she ever hope that her friends and family would understand? How could she hope they wouldn't be disgusted by the thoughts she used to have about Tom, by what she let him do, by what she wanted sometimes. This was all a mess.

Why had she told Hermione what her nightmares were about? How stupid was she? Hermione would certainly go and tell Ron and Harry and if there was someone who would not get anything about how she used to be with Tom, it would be Ronald. Her brother avoided the grey zones; he lived in a black and white world. For Ronald, there was no good Slytherin. All of them were evil and were working for Voldemort. Ginny disagreed. She had seen quite a few Slytherin be disgusted by how Malfoy acted and did not show any proof of believing in the whole purity of blood business. Plus, Professor Snape was a Slytherin and contrary to her brothers, she didn't believe he was evil. Bitter and nasty at times, yes but not evil. Severus Snape would never take pleasure in torturing once of his students, Ginny was sure of it. Being mean (not that Snape was mean to her. He liked her. Probably because she was talented in potions and quiet (unlike Hermione)) and being evil are two different things. Ginny wasn't sure her brother could truly make the distinction. Not as he was now anyway. So really, she wasn't sure there was a lot in her story, the true version of it, that Ronald could understand, let alone accept. That she loved Tom….it would be unbelievable to Ron.

That she still loved Tom after everything he put her through, after the torture sessions….it would be unfathomable for Ron. It would be….a treason. Something to be ashamed of, disgusted by….Ginny judge herself harshly for what happened with Tom; she didn't need anyone else judging her for it. Maybe Hermione would understand. Maybe she could speak of certain things with Hermione but….her friend loved Ron so Ginny wasn't completely sure that things she told the other girl would not get back to her brother. Plus, talking would be betraying Tom. No, no, no! She can't think like that! Betraying Tom. It shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. Ginny won't let it matter. Determined and angry at herself, Ginny got out of bed and went downstairs. 'I'm going to win' Ginny thought. 'You hear that Riddle. I'm the one who's going to win this time. I won't let you control me anymore. You can't control me anymore. You shouldn't have any control on me anymore. I'm going to talk. Forgive me Tom, but I'm going to talk. I won't let you completely destroy me. Come one Ginny, you can do this. You can beat this. This isn't betrayal; this is freedom. Freedom from the monster that has haunted your dreams for years. To get rid of a nightmare, you have to tell someone else about it. I have to tell someone, or these nightmares will kill me. And Tom will have won. I let him….I let him do so many things. I'm tired of being helpless. Maybe this won't help. Maybe the other voice is right and it'll make everything worse. But at least I would have tried. At least this time, I would die fighting'

/

AN: Hope you liked it! If you did, please write a short review! It's really useful to have feedback. It motivates you and lets you know if you're in the right direction! Plus, it warms your heart and makes you smile.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. **

**AN: **Here's the next chapter! Hope you like it. For those studying psychology sorry for the explanation of conditioning. I haven't done psych in years so I probably didn't express myself well…oh well. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

'_Tom. They're all about Tom.'_

Hermione left the room with a huge rock in her stomach. Her friend's admission kept echoing around in her head. Something was wrong. The way Ginny said it, so desperate and tired and filled with suffering….Deep in her gut Hermione felt something was very bad about all of this; she felt the truth was worst then she could ever imagined. Ginny had said Ron couldn't understand because he never lived his nightmares, which means that Ginny's nightmares weren't dreams; they were memories. And Hermione felt her blood run cold at that thought. She thought back to her second year and realized that she really had no idea what could have happened to Ginny. She had never thought something other than the possession and almost dying in the chamber had happened. But now….now she was starting to think that what she knew about Riddle and the chamber was just the tip of the iceberg. And that terrified her. Because if it was the case, then her friend had gone through something truly horrible and was still going through it as of today. And she had not noticed anything. That her friend had been suffering and in need of help while Hermione had done nothing, broke her heart. 'My God' Hermione thought. 'What happened to her?' And as she asked herself that question, another took its place: 'Why oh why didn't I ask her that question as soon as she got out of the chamber.' Hermione felt guilty. Granted they weren't really friends yet but it was a question that should have been asked and Hermione wondered if anyone had asked it.

"Ron" Hermione said, re-entering the living room "What do you know about what happened to Ginny in our second year?"

Ron and Harry looked at each other with a questioning look. They had send Mione to try and get Ginny to talk. They figured maybe the younger girl would be more comfortable talking to another girl. After all, maybe she didn't want to tell them anything because it was a girl problem. They had never expected this question from Hermione.

"Uhm. I know the same as you know Hermione. The heir possessed her to open the chamber and petrify students with a Basilisc. You know that. You're the one who found out about the Basilisc in the first place."

"Yes, but I meant what do you know about what the Riddle did to her?"

"What do you mean? He possessed her" Ron said.

"Yes but Harry, didn't you say Riddle told you Ginny was in a trance when she opened the chamber?"

"Yes" her friend answered.

"Then she wouldn't remember opening the chamber right?"

"No she wouldn't. She wasn't aware of what she was doing." Harry told her.

"Then what else did Riddle do to her that she could remember?"

"Hermione what the heck do you mean?" Ronald asked, getting annoyed and worried.

" You heard what Ginny said. Her nightmares aren't from her imagination; they're memories. Just like Harry's nightmares about Cedric's death. When I asked Ginny what the nightmares were about, she said that all of them were about Tom. But if the only thing he did was possess her, she wouldn't have any memories to have nightmares about. So I'm asking; when you asked Ginny what happened in first year, what did she tell you? What did she tell your parents?"

"Uhm…" Ron thought. When Ginny got out of that dreadful chamber, his parents, bothers and himself hadn't left her side for a second. They had talked to her, pampered her, told her jokes to cheer her up…..but they never asked her what had happened. Harry had told Ron and the rest of the family what had happened in the chamber and he hadn't looked further than that. And now that he thought about it, he didn't think his parents had asked further questions either. "I…I don't think anyone really asked her the details of what happened. Harry had talked to Riddle and he told us what he had said and that was it. There wasn't anything else."

"But you think there's something else, don't you Mione?" Harry asked, getting worried. He knew how horrible Voldemort was as an adult and there was no doubt in his mind that he had already been pretty horrible as a teen.

"Yes. I think something else happened beside the possessions. Something that is still giving Ginny nightmares years afterwards."

"Merlin…" Harry said, putting his face in his hand. What had Riddle done to her? He really hoped it was nothing similar to what he had had to witness during visions.

"Mate?" Ron asked, worried.

"That man. He's a monster Ron. You have…you have no idea what I've seen during visions, what he does to people. If he….if he…I didn't think he had the capacity to hurt Ginny. He was just a book. But if there had been a way for him to harm her…bloody hell Ron, it could be anything. There's nothing that guy wouldn't do…I can't…I can't even imagine. Just…my god….just the visions. They're horrible. Darn it. How could I not think of this before!"

"Think of what Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Mione, when I have visions it's because I'm in Voldemort's head or vice versa. If Riddle was possessing Ginny, he'd need to be in her head too right?"

"Oh Merlin." Hermione's blood fell from her face; she was as white as milk. "You think…you think he sent her visions like Voldemort did when he made you see him torture Sirius?"

"But…but…he wouldn't. He couldn't!" Ron said "Ginny….she would have told us right? If he could have hurt her like that, right?"

"You mean like I told you about finding a diary that talked back in my transfiguration book in the first place?" Ginny asked softly. The trio startled. Ginny stood there, in the entrance of the living room, her eyes puffy and red. "I've never talked about Tom, Ron. To anyone. Not ever. I couldn't. I still don't think I can. Don't think I'm strong enough. But….maybe it's time I try. Just don't….please don't judge me for anything I might say. This thing with Tom…you weren't there. You can't truly understand….not from my point of you because you were not there and you were not me. If….If you really want me to start talking about _him_, then you'll just….need to be patient and calm. I can't…I couldn't take it if you blamed me or hated me for anything. It's one of the reasons I never dared speak. Other reasons….they're more complicated and I won't talk about them. You need to be patient….I can't….I can't just talk about it. But you can…you can ask questions. I can't guarantee that I'll answer all of them or even most of them, but….I can try" She told them sitting down beside Hermione. She could do this. She would do this. Hermione automatically grabbed her hands in hers.

"Uhm. Did…Am I right?" Harry asked "Could he send you visions like Voldemort could do with me?"

Ginny took a breath. Her whole body was shaking. She could do this. Screw Tom and what he would want. It was time to stop all this nonsense. He was gone; it was time she started acting like it.

"Yes, he could" she said, her voice shaking. "It's….it's what last night's nightmare was about" 'the first one anyway' she thought to herself. But she wasn't going to tell them about the last part. Ever.

"What happened Gin?" Ron asked, a ball in his throat. Someone had hurt his little sister. His little sister whom he should have been protecting.

"It was right after Hermione was petrified. B..by …by that time" she stuttered "I knew what Tom was doing and…I was able to…uhm feel? him possessing me" she said uncertainly. It was hard to explain. She had been hyper-aware of Tom. By that time she could feel him from the diary and even tell what mood he was in but she couldn't really explain how she just knew some things. It was…..instinct. Plus she had to be careful not to give too much away. They couldn't discover just for how much time exactly she had been aware of what Tom had been planning. " and when he ordered the basilisk to attack Hermione and Penelope by going in front of them…I saw and I was able to take over and order her to attack from behind so that they would see her in their mirror. Tom was…" She hesitated. What word could ever start to describe how Tom was. Finally she settled down for two word, although it could not do it justice " livid. So he punished me"

Hermione had tears welling up her eyes. Ginny had saved her life and gotten punished for it.

"Don't cry Mione" Ginny said. "If he hadn't punished me for protecting you, he would have punished me for something else. By that time, Tom didn't need any real reason to punish me. He just did. He was….it was like an abusive relationship you know. He expected things and of course nothing was ever good enough. So I got punished. That time…he showed me my family…" Ginny choked a sob, "my family literally torn to shreds. There was so much blood and members lying around, and dad was blaming me for them dying. It was…one of the worst."

Ron got up from his seat and sat down beside his sister. He took her into his arms. "Gin, why didn't you ever tell any of this to me? Or to mom and dad?"

Ginny hesitated. Could she really say it? What if….what if he hated her for it? Would he even understand " There are….there are many reasons. Fear being an important one."

"Fear of what? Gin we…we would have never done anything bad to you."

"Perhaps." Ginny conceded. "But the human mind doesn't work that way, or at least not mine. And plus well…." She took a deep breath. She had never admitted this except to herself and even then, she usually denied it. "I was well conditioned"

Ron looked at his sister in question. He didn't understand what that meant. Looking at his best mate, he realized Harry didn't have a clue either. So he turned to Hermione; she always understood everything about everything. "Mione, what does that mean?"

Hermione looked at Ginny whose eyes were closed. "Well, conditioning is…well it concerns psychology. How to explain it….I'm not totally sure how to. I'll tell you what I know but I haven't really learned this thoroughly." Hermione tried to be up to par with the Muggle school system as much as she could. She refused to let Hogwarts stop her from ever finding a job in the Muggle world. But psychology was normally taught later on in life so she wasn't well verse on the subject.

"Conditioning was created with dogs. You would use a bell and ring it every time you give the dog food. When the dog smells the food, he starts salivating. When he hears the bell at first he has no reaction. But by doing it often, at the end of the conditioning, when the bell was rung without any food being used, the dog immediately started salivating. So uhm…" Hermione looked at Ginny and had difficulty swallowing. "For a human, I guess he just…his food must have been pain so that…so that later on he wouldn't need to hurt Ginny because her body would react like if she was hurt. She would remember the pain that doing something had caused her. I guess he also used preemptive punishments" Harry looked confused at that, "Basically he probably punished her for something that she hadn't done yet so that she could remember the pain when she thought of doing what he had already punished her for" Ginny was looking down during the whole explanation.

"But he's dead. You know he couldn't hurt you anymore" Ron said, rather dumbly. Hermione glared at him.

"Really Ron have you been listening at all?" Hermione rebuked him " It doesn't matter that he's alive or dead, Ginny's body would react the same way to the same stimuli. It's like you with spiders. You feel fear and very uncomfortable if I talk about spiders right? It doesn't matter that there are no spiders close to you. That's what fear does. Ginny doesn't need him to be alive and close to her to be scared." Hermione was a little exasperated at her friend.

"It's okay Mione" Ginny said. "I already suspected Ron wouldn't get it. If it had been him that had come to my room, I would have never told him what I told you."

"Ginny" Ron said sadly. "You know you can tell me anything. I'm not…I'm not judging you for being afraid. I can understand. I mean he showed you horrible things so I understand that you fear him, I just want you to know that you're safe now even if you don't feel like it. Nothing will happen to you anymore. He's gone."

Ginny shook her head. "Not in my head, he isn't. I have nightmares about him all the time. He's never completely disappeared. He's been dead for years but in there" she pointed to her head, "he never died."

Ron looked down at that. He couldn't believe his little sister had been suffering for years and he had never realized it. It was his duty to protect her. His mother had always told them to take care of their sister. Even when she was just stepping out to do groceries for an hour it was always "Take care of your sister boys". Always. He had to admit that when Ginny had first come to Hogwarts, he had resented that. He didn't want to take care of her, he wanted to be with his friend and not have to think about Ginny all the time, just like in first year. If he had known what he knew now, he would have never have left his sister alone and she would have never have needed to confide in a stranger in a book.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Very short flashback chapter. I went to start next chapter and this came out. Hope you like it! It's before things turned sour with Tom.**

**Chapter 7**

"Tom! Tom! Look. A butterfly. It's beautiful." 11 year old Ginny Weasley told her friend. They were in secret place in the Forbidden Forest that Tom had found in his third year. " Don't you think so Tom?"

"Of course" He said but his answer didn't really sound sincere. Ginny laughed at that. "You're such a boy Tom!"

"Well I hope so. I'd be very trouble if I found out this late in my life that I was in fact a woman." He said in a dry tone. Ginny laughed again at that. Her best friend was so funny at times. It was one of the many things she loved about him.

"Boys are strange. They don't like pretty flowers or butterflies but give them mud and they're all happy. At least my brothers are." Ginny started giggling as an idea came up in her mind. "I can't imagine you playing in the mud though. Did you play in the mud as a kid Tom?"

Tom made a disgusted face at the idea. Ginny giggled. That's what she figured. Tom was too sophisticated for that. "I bet you played in the mud plenty" Tom told her.

"Well yeah. I did grow up with six brothers. But just because I like mud and Quidditch doesn't mean I don't like pretty things too. I'm still a girl even if I grew up with boys."

Tom nodded. "Talking about boys…how are things with our Mr. Potter" he spat the name, although very subtly. Ginny noticed Tom had difficulty saying Harry's name without some sort of contempt seeping through. Maybe he fought a lot with the Potter of his time…..or maybe he was a little jealous because Ginny used to like Harry. But no….that was just wishful thinking on her part.

"No….nowhere Tom. He doesn't know I exist and…." She started blushing. "I'm starting to think it's not a bad thing after all. I mean what do I know about him? He isn't even my friend. It seems a little silly to want him to notice me and all. I'm…I'm not really interested in Harry anymore." Ginny was now as red as a tomato. So much for being subtle.

"Really?" Tom said surprised. "That's the first time I've heard about this. Have you been hiding things from me Princess?"

"Of course not! I just…I didn't see any reason to talk about it. I figured you'd figure it out once I stopped talking about him."

"Uhm. You have been silent about him for the last few weeks... So then, is there anyone else that caught your eyes?" Ginny blushed some more. She didn't think that was physically possible. "I see. Care to tell me who it is?" Ginny shook her head. Hell no. There was no way she was going to tell him.

"Why not? You normally tell me everything. Don't you trust me anymore Ginevra?" Tom said in a sad voice.

"No! Don't be sad Tom! It's not like that, it's just…." Ginny was still red. She didn't want Tom to think she didn't trust him….she didn't want to lose her friend! He was the only one she had! But…could she really tell him.

"Promise you won't be angry" Ginny said timidly.

"Of course. I'd never get angry at you for liking someone. So who is it?"

Ginny couldn't say it. She just really couldn't. This was so embarrassing. This was a hundred times worst than showing up in her bathrobe in front of Harry this summer. So instead of talking, she decided to simply point in Tom's direction, all the while looking down at her feet.

Suddenly, she felt Tom's presence right beside her and his fingers lifted her chin so she could look at him. "Well, why didn't you just say so." He said right before bending down and kissing her softly. She couldn't believe it. Her first kiss! And with the boy she loved so much too. Ginny timidly smiled at Tom and kissed him again, before hugging him tightly. This was officially the best day of her life. Tom and she were together and if she had anything to do with it, they would be together forever and ever! This was a perfect day.

/

AN: I really hope you liked it! Please leave reviews! They're great feedback and makes the author very, very happy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. For real…**

AN: Found this chapter lying around. It's been so long since I've been inspired to write on my current stories that I had forgotten I had written this. So now I'm posting it. Hope you enjoy! By the way, the diary in this fic isn't like the one JK Rowling invented. You'll see.

**Chapter 8**

"_In my head, he never died"_ Ginny had said. Harry couldn't believe it. All this time….he of all people knew how Voldemort could affect you, take over your mind and drive you insane with the horrors he committed. But in his case, the threat was still very much alive. He wasn't the ghost of a memory that had died years ago.

"Ginny…."Hermione started. "Was there….beside sending you visions….were there other things he could do?"

Ginny closed her eyes. Could she admit the next part? That she had visited him inside the diary? Even after things had turned bad? Not that she had the choice towards the end but at the beginning…when the punishments were few and far between…

"I…Tom…the diary…it wasn't simply a diary. I could do more than simply write and read with it."

"Yeah I know." Harry said. "The diary was able to get me inside and showed me what happened between Riddle and Hagrid"

The others looked at her, waiting to see if that had happened to her also. Ginny nodded at Harry's affirmation, confirming their suspicion but then she told them something that froze the blood in their veins. "It could do more than that. You went in the diary but you didn't see Tom, not the real one. What you saw was a memory. But outside of those fixed memories existed an entire world inside the diary where I could interact with Tom. When I would enter the diary, I wouldn't find myself in a memory per say but rather in Tom's room. The room existed because Tom had a memory of it and it was as real as our common room. I could touch things, read his books...I could go to Hogsmeade although not the version we know of. In order to go somewhere, Tom needed to have a memory of that place. So it was the 1940's Hogsmeade that I visited. Everything….Everything was real. The sensations, good or bad, seemed perfectly real. It was….It was truly the finest piece of magic there was." She finished, looking away from her friends and brother. Silence fell on the group while the others absorbed the new information.

"So…he…he could hurt you physically as well" Hermione said quietly, tears sliding down her face. Ginny almost snorted. Tom being able to hurt her physically? The hesitation in Hermione's voice could have made her laugh bitterly. Yeah. He could hurt her physically alright.

"Physically" she said pausing, "mentally..se.." no that one she was never going to utter. Never. "Yeah. Yeah, he could hurt me." Ginny said her voice tight. "You have…" she swallowed with difficulty, a tear sliding down her cheek. "You have no idea what kind of spells he knew….what he can do…"she looked up at Harry. His visage was pale. She could see he was mentally seeing scenes of torture from past visions. "Well….Harry has a theoretical knowledge of what he can do…just not a practical one."

"Merlin Ginny…" Harry said.

"It's….well it's not okay but….you know, as terrifying as that thought is, I'm sure Voldemort is worse than Tom. You must….you must have seen a lot of terrible things I couldn't ever imagine even knowing Tom and have certainly never gone through. "

"Merlin Ginny, that doesn't make what he did to you any less horrible" Ron said. His sister was talking like what she had gone through wasn't so bad after all.

"You're used to this, aren't you Ginny?" Hermione stated more than asked. "You're used to downplaying it, telling yourself it wasn't so bad, that it could have been worse. Ginny…you sound like…."Hermione hesitated to continue her thought.

" Like a beaten wife defending her husband?" Ginny continued bitterly. "Yeah, I'm aware of the resemblance Hermione. I've berated myself over it for a long time. It's just….it's how I survived Hermione. Telling myself it could be much worse was how I survived my first year." Silence fell again.

Ron wanted to ask something but he wasn't sure if he should. "Gin, can I….can I ask you something? And please know there is in no way any accusation behind the question ok?" Ginny took a deep breath and nodded. "Why…if he hurt you why didn't you get rid of the diary earlier and why did you take it back from Harry? And again, I don't mean anything by it…I just want to understand what you went through so I can help you"

Ginny heard that there was no accusation behind it but she could feel it, if not from Ron than from herself.

"I….writing in the diary and visiting him….it just…."Ginny wasn't sure how to explain. "When you live in a world when there's just two of you, you become dependent on the other one. Plus, the diary was messing with my head and my magic, making the dependence even stronger. I just….I couldn't stay away from him for long Ron. It hurt…in so many ways. And….I had only him Ron."

"No you didn't. You had George, Fred and me and even Percy!"

"Well it sure as heck didn't seem like it did it?" She said a little too harshly for her taste. She wasn't here to make bitter, childish accusation. She was there to stop the nightmares from having so much power over her. She was there to free herself and ask for help. "I'm…I'm sorry Ron. I just didn't feel like you guys were there for me back then and Tom…he was good at what he was doing. He made sure to find something bad to say about everyone I talked to so I wouldn't trust them and wouldn't befriend anyone but him. After all, it's much easier to control a person who's completely alone and isolated. Had I been close to someone, they might have noticed what the diary was doing to me. I looked quite sick I've been told."

"You blame me don't you" Ron said, suddenly having a light bulb turn on in his head . "You blame me for not noticing something was wrong" Everyone looked at Ron then turned to Ginny. "I'm right, aren't I? You're angry at me!"

Ginny shook her head. "No…I… I wish I could say I was never angry with you or the twins for never noticing something was wrong, but I can't. Yes Ron, once upon a time I was very angry with you. But…."she added looking her brother in the eyes. "Understand this Ronald, you were not to blame. Even if you had noticed how bad I looked, how could you ever guess what was happening to me? Perce noticed I looked sick and took care of me. He never imagined there was anything more to it than me being sick. None of you could have guessed. None of you could have known. You are not to blame." Ginny uttered with a profound conviction. There were only two people that could be blamed for the entire ordeal; one was dead and the other was her.

AN: Hope you enjoyed! If you did, write a short review please!


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